Rage is not a familiar emotion for me. I mean. Look at this picture. No rage. No fear. No angry expletive-laden outbursts.
One of my new
favorite side effects of pregnancy is the whole “mama bear”- protective – angry outburst – thing.
Here’s a scenario:
I’m walking my dog across an intersection, and girl in silver compact car rolls through her stop sign and drives right by me, my (now obviously) pregnant belly, and my giant beast of a dog. Wanna know what’s going through my mind at this point? Think Hiroshima. Nuclear meltdown. Alarms. Sirens…. You get the picture. It’s complete and total emotional chaos.
A truck cuts me off on the freeway, so I blurt out something unsavory while simultaneously taking deep yogic breaths to try to lower my blood pressure.
Some guy makes an inappropriate comment as I’m walking to my car in a parking lot and I’m ready to whip out my always handy chef’s knife and explain to him what an incredible mistake he just made.
Like I said. Mama Bear.
Pregnancy has given me this uncontrollable sense of protection over my own body. It’s innate and unstoppable. It’s often irrational and overreactive.
Is this something that continues beyond pregnancy? I imagine it is. Except that your baby is no longer safely housed within your body. He’s now out running around at a park, or at school, or a friend’s house (at least that’s where he said he would be…)
It seems that in every week of pregnancy, there’s a new invitation to LET GO. To trust. To acknowledge the fact that we, as human beings, have very little control over our universe.
Pregnancy and my impending motherhood has served to greatly increase my awareness of this fact. So that’s why I practice yoga. It’s why I pray. It’s why I believe in a power bigger, stronger, and more knowledgeable than myself. I don’t want to live my life in fear over what may happen to my body, my baby, or any other number of things I could spend time worrying about.
But for now, my newfound overprotective nature will just have to serve as a friendly reminder to relax and release. And maybe some comic relief for my husband.